Priceless Amazon product reviews

Some of these reviews on quirky Amazon products are guaranteed to raise a smile….

How to Avoid Huge Ships

hugeships“I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer’s other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational. After reading them I haven’t been hit by anything bigger than a diesel bus.”

Read more reviews of this life-saving title.


Banana Slicer

banana“I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way”.

“I would rate this product as just okay. It’s kind of cheaply made. But it works better than the hammer I’ve been using to slice my bananas.”

Want to know more?


Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

wolfmoon

“Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather”.

“I had a two-wolf shirt for a while and I didn’t think life could get any better. I was wrong. Life got 50% better, no lie”.

Need one in your wardrobe?


Penetrating Wagners Ring

wagner

“My girlfriend and I have often talked about how we could tackle the Ring, but neither of us were ever brave enough to take the plunge. It always seemed too daunting – many of our more flamboyant of friends had tried it, and said it just didn’t do anything for them. Only once, after a few too many glasses of red wine did I surprise my girlfriend by slipping it in to our regular playlist, and this all ended in tears, and we were both left feeling very confused.”

Clearly an important scholarly work.

Methylated Spirit

meths

“From the moment you remove the cap you realise you’re in for a treat. Fresh, bright, smoky, with a mineral edge and rounded, fruity nose. Midweight and bold, possessing some edge and no little bite, yet remaining smooth, balanced and satisfying. This is a drink to enjoy with friends in a park. Highly recommended.”

Fancy a glass?


Bic For Her

bic

“I bought this pen (in error, evidently) to write my reports of each day’s tree felling activities in my job as a lumberjack. It is no good. It slips from between my calloused, gnarly fingers like a gossamer thread gently descending to earth between two giant redwood trunks.”

You’ll need some of these if you want to write to Bic and complain…


Dean Gaffney Canvas Clock

gaffney

“In all seriousness, this is a wonderful work of art. I have placed this in my hallway, having removed pictures of my own children to make space. I have purchased extra lighting to set the tone and at the right angles, the clock comes to life. Even some of Renoirs greatest works required some accessorising so I am now saving for the fridge magnet, mouse mat, key ring and coaster to really bring out the true beauty of what will surely become a ‘future classic’.”

Words fail me.

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